Rising to the Future

A story from Hagar Vietnam....

Thuy's parents got pregnant out of wedlock. Dad was a small time criminal, so Thuy's grandparents didn't approve of the match. They shunned her parents for bringing shame to the family. Thuy was an unwanted child, and the parents blamed her for all their misfortunes.

After a few years, the grandparents felt bad about what they had done and took Thuy to live with them. While living with the grandparents, there was a cousin who sexually abused her. While she doesn't talk much about this, she said this has made her feel really insecure around boys.  It made her feel like she couldn't trust anyone.

Her grandfather died, and Thuy was sent back to live with her parents. Here she was verbally and physically abused.  Her dad would sometimes force her to eat pig slops. One time when she was going to take an exam, he took all her clothes and dipped them in pig manure.  He told her to wear the smelly clothes for her exam. 

If she accidentally overcooked a pot of rice, she was forced to eat the whole thing by herself. Whenever the family would eat together, Thuy would have to sit by herself in the corner. Making things worse, her parents had a second daughter, who they treated well.

Thuy completed two years of university in biology and was not getting good marks, because the verbal and physical abuse was too upsetting to concentrate on her studies. She didn't trust anyone, and didn't want to talk or interact with anyone.

Finally, she ran away and went to the domestic violence shelter where she stayed for a total of six months - starting three months before she got involved with Hagar. Her parents have not tried to contact her.   Sometimes her sister calls and tells her to come home at times when the parents aren't present, but Thuy is too afraid to go back.

Thuy enrolled in Hagar's personal development training.  At the beginning, she didn't say a word to anyone. If she did speak, it was so quiet you could barely hear her. Then, after a few training sessions, she started to open up and speak out more. It was clear that she was a thoughtful and intelligent woman.

She says about the Hagar's program: "Actually, in the beginning of training I tried to keep my emotions in check. I didn't allow myself to feel too happy with everyone or too sad. Now I feel more open, and I feel I can understand everyone much better."

Thuy is learning to be a baker. She dreams of being an independent woman with stable finances.  She is working and learning diligently, and she just won a scholarship for being one of the best students in baking. Her biggest fear going into the vocational training was that she wouldn't be able to get along with people, since this had been a problem for her in the past. However, she has been really surprised at how easy making friendships has been at school. She credits the personal development training for making her feel more open and friendly.

Thuy still loves her parents and one day hopes to meet them again as a successful and independent woman.

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